I don't know exactly where to begin.
Life is events after events, but these events that occur can be very personal. They either bring strong emotions of joy or of pain.
Sometimes these events feel like all that happens is the bad, at least that's what you tend to think about more, the negative instead of the positive. And honestly, that's how I've been. I just have felt that life won't leave me alone, the pain seams to never end.
From a car accident, to money issues, to school problems it just seems to continue.
And it does, the bad will always continue. And many times the good seems very small incomprehension. But one thing that has held me strong against plain old life is my faith.
I became a Christian very young.
I became a Christian because God loved me and that was all I needed, such purity and simplicity that when you get older you tend to make it logical and abs-cued.
However some of that innocence remained as I got older. As I wondered and asked question that I felt were "un_christian," of me, (because asking God questions of his existence is terrible... not) I would just sit and think "What if I wasn't a Christian, how would I be" or "Is what I believe real?" I always would end up talking to God and saying of course your real, of course this is true, no matter how strong my doubt might be, it's really just feeling, and my feelings are no match for the love God has for me. As many times as I'd ask these questions, the overcoming feeling of being loved by a God who created my inmost being trumped everything.
I had asked my self one day "Could I ever leave God?" as I asked this, I thought and said to my self rather loudly "there's no way, I can't leave him, leaving God would be leaving my very life. However evil my flesh would be to long to leave the very God I love, My heart and Spirit could never part from him. The very thought made me laugh, knowing it would never and can never happen. It's not that I'm grounded in knowing who I am, cause I don't think you'll ever know who you truly are until the day you meet your maker. neither is it knowledge cause your constantly growing, and I can tell you now it has nothing to do with how I feel now. But it has everything to do with the fact that God loves me with everything in him, and leaving Him would not only break his heart, but mine for leaving the one person who truly loves me more than anyone else and leaving my identity behind.
So why do we believe in God? It has nothing to do with us, but everything to do with him, no matter how much you want to do right somehow pride will leak its way in. But everything God does is selfless, and pure I think we are all attracted to this missing link from our lives that was taken from humans in the Garden.
The end
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Monday, November 15, 2010
Life
So recently (like the beginning of this semester)I ended up going to a school! how odd.... I must confess I was closed minded, and ignorant, I know that I don't think I'm better then any one else but, I did get frustrated with other people for sinning.
I don't believe that I ever judged the kids at my school, but I did get sick of them, instead of loving them I became paranoid with their sinful nature, in reality i should of also been upset with my sinful nature as well, I looked down on their sin, and their humanity forgetting that this is the same thing that I was saved from, the sinful distraught nature of man sickens me, because its motives are simply evil.
God showed me how to love these people at my school for who they are; I began to engage them with small talk and asking them how their doing, but, before I could sincerely love them, I had to get past my ignorance.
When I mention closed minded, I don't mean that I didn't think that there would be profanity, sexual comments, and rude behavior, I mean that I believed that I would enter into the school with a kind and loving heart towards the students at the school
strange enough I didn't even ask God to give me a heart for the students at my school, I kinda didn't care, but as I would pray that God would give me purpose at the school, my heart began to be more accepting of them.
I have been going through a lot of thought processing, more then I did throughout the summer. I've been thinking about non-Christians, and Christians on how they act, if we were to measure how Christians, and non-Christians act or "do good" then they measure the same, we all can do good, but what are the intentions of our hearts? As Christians is our intentions to serve God and love all that he made? or is it to be noticed for our good deeds, I don't like mentioning when I give someone money, or help someone because every time I talk about that stuff, even with close friends I feel guilty of selfishness, and I feel like my intentions were for my self.
Being a Christian I try not to judge others, cause if I went up to someone and told them their sinners, ect.... then I might be showing them the wrong perception of a loving God, instead they might see a God that is angry and mad with them, I wish that what we as people say and do didn't effect others opinions about what we believe, but unfortunately it does. I have a friend that said "some of the kindest people he knows are Mormon," I know your thinking what do Mormons have to do with Christians? well the reason why he said this is because they believe that to get to heaven that they must do good deeds, well I'm not saying we should believe that, I am saying that maybe if we look at everything we do as for God then we'd be doing good for every person we meet, and people might say that the nicest people they know are Christians. Don't get me wrong I don't think we should do good deeds for others to get praise, but what I am saying is maybe if we actually did what the Bible commands us to "do unto others as we want others to do unto you," then maybe the world wouldn't see Christians as mean snotty people who believe their higher then others, maybe they'd see us as servants. I have come to the place where I believe I'm a disciple/Christian meaning that I'm a Christian but I want to take it more personally, not only in my own life but with others. I want to watch God do amazing things not only in my life, but in those around me.
I hope you understand where I'm at right now. comment and let me know your feed back
I don't believe that I ever judged the kids at my school, but I did get sick of them, instead of loving them I became paranoid with their sinful nature, in reality i should of also been upset with my sinful nature as well, I looked down on their sin, and their humanity forgetting that this is the same thing that I was saved from, the sinful distraught nature of man sickens me, because its motives are simply evil.
God showed me how to love these people at my school for who they are; I began to engage them with small talk and asking them how their doing, but, before I could sincerely love them, I had to get past my ignorance.
When I mention closed minded, I don't mean that I didn't think that there would be profanity, sexual comments, and rude behavior, I mean that I believed that I would enter into the school with a kind and loving heart towards the students at the school
strange enough I didn't even ask God to give me a heart for the students at my school, I kinda didn't care, but as I would pray that God would give me purpose at the school, my heart began to be more accepting of them.
I have been going through a lot of thought processing, more then I did throughout the summer. I've been thinking about non-Christians, and Christians on how they act, if we were to measure how Christians, and non-Christians act or "do good" then they measure the same, we all can do good, but what are the intentions of our hearts? As Christians is our intentions to serve God and love all that he made? or is it to be noticed for our good deeds, I don't like mentioning when I give someone money, or help someone because every time I talk about that stuff, even with close friends I feel guilty of selfishness, and I feel like my intentions were for my self.
Being a Christian I try not to judge others, cause if I went up to someone and told them their sinners, ect.... then I might be showing them the wrong perception of a loving God, instead they might see a God that is angry and mad with them, I wish that what we as people say and do didn't effect others opinions about what we believe, but unfortunately it does. I have a friend that said "some of the kindest people he knows are Mormon," I know your thinking what do Mormons have to do with Christians? well the reason why he said this is because they believe that to get to heaven that they must do good deeds, well I'm not saying we should believe that, I am saying that maybe if we look at everything we do as for God then we'd be doing good for every person we meet, and people might say that the nicest people they know are Christians. Don't get me wrong I don't think we should do good deeds for others to get praise, but what I am saying is maybe if we actually did what the Bible commands us to "do unto others as we want others to do unto you," then maybe the world wouldn't see Christians as mean snotty people who believe their higher then others, maybe they'd see us as servants. I have come to the place where I believe I'm a disciple/Christian meaning that I'm a Christian but I want to take it more personally, not only in my own life but with others. I want to watch God do amazing things not only in my life, but in those around me.
I hope you understand where I'm at right now. comment and let me know your feed back
Monday, July 12, 2010
Changes
So during desperation in one of the sessions I so felt a tug upon my heart... It. wasn't like the normal tug like this is good stuff!!! But an actual tug a war deep with in. As this speaker spoke I felt one part of the tug telling me to go and down and lay down your pride. The other said people will look at you weird. You'll be judged by them... I was sitting with a big group of my friends...and of was as well that
Battle of doing what the crowd does. I knew that I had to focus on what God was trying to do in me... And I got los in it... That tug from within about just staying in my seat had faded. An it was just me and God.
I went up and got on to my knees humbling my self before God...
So amazing! I wonder what would I happened if I stayed in that pitiful seat... If I let my pride come before what God was doing in me.
Would I still of been struggling?
I am so glad that I went before God and let him humble me.
The end just thought I'd let you know ;)
Battle of doing what the crowd does. I knew that I had to focus on what God was trying to do in me... And I got los in it... That tug from within about just staying in my seat had faded. An it was just me and God.
I went up and got on to my knees humbling my self before God...
So amazing! I wonder what would I happened if I stayed in that pitiful seat... If I let my pride come before what God was doing in me.
Would I still of been struggling?
I am so glad that I went before God and let him humble me.
The end just thought I'd let you know ;)
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Who Am I
So this was a sermon i did for a class, and i thought hey why not put it on here! enjoy
Everyone goes through a stage in life when they have to find out who they are. Some even start to compare themselves to others; they measure themselves on how many friends they have, how they look, and what they think about themselves, until they find their Identity in Christ they wont really find out who they are.
Do you know who you are?
Since I was 12 I realized that I could no longer hide under my family, I had to find out who God made me to be, and if I liked it or not, I had to find it out by my self, no one could tell me who I was, because that would be who they thought I was.
This isn’t just a one moment thing, it’s a long journey, and unfortunately some don’t find out who they were really meant to be.
Am I Worth It: As some people wonder who they are, they go down a road of depression, it’s either because they don’t have many friends, or because they get teased a lot, or they don’t think well of them selves. They often wonder if their worth it, if life is worth it, and Shame.
(Luke 12:6-7)
Am I Beautiful: Every teen girl go through a time when they question if they are beautiful, some because they think their ugly, because of what others say, or in my case because of what people said about themselves. I went through a stage when people I knew who were thin and beautiful said that they were ugly, or fat. Because of what they would say about themselves, I began to wonder if I was beautiful, I debated with my self and what I knew God thought of me, but I yet kept wondering if I was beautiful.
(Psalm 45:10-15)
Who Am I: Something you need to know, you are worth it, you are beautiful, and you are God’s Sons and Daughters, that’s who you are. Even though we’ve sinned and fallen short of the glory of God we are forgiven. (Psalm 32:1-5)
We are created in the image of God. (Genesis 1:27)
He made each of us uniquely and special, He was careful with each detail from our hair on our head (even if we don’t have hair) to our small toes. (Psalm 139:13)
I understand that even though I might not be the tallest person, that I’m unique and wonderfully made by the hands of Christ.
Conclusion: You’ll never know who you were really meant to be until you except Christ, and realize that you are His Child, one who God made such a wonderful plan for. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Furnace
Yeah i haven't blogged in awhile, and i apologize.
So life is getting pretty hectic, such as studying to take the placement test, I get my license on Wednesday, and I'm trying to get a job, and getting Taylor's room ready for when he gets back. lost of stuff to do.
But i cant help but think, you know how Pastors or just anyone talks about the "normal" Christians, their talking about how the normal for Christians is going to church during the weekend and then on the weekdays filling your self with loads and loads of crap. In other words their heart is a furnace, and instead filling it with something that would make it bigger, and live long; instead they fill it with something that stays makes the fire stays the same size and it soon dies, and then they feed it again, soon their addicted to the filth they fill themselves with.
Well if you fill your heart with the useless materials and things, then you reach a high that will fade fast, then you will put more and more in so you can feel that "high"; but if you fill your heart with God's word, prayer, and worship, you have to work to get it to burn in your furnace, but that fire will never go out.
Don't let your fire fade, cause if you don't pay attention to it, then the light wont shine, and others wont see it.
So life is getting pretty hectic, such as studying to take the placement test, I get my license on Wednesday, and I'm trying to get a job, and getting Taylor's room ready for when he gets back. lost of stuff to do.
But i cant help but think, you know how Pastors or just anyone talks about the "normal" Christians, their talking about how the normal for Christians is going to church during the weekend and then on the weekdays filling your self with loads and loads of crap. In other words their heart is a furnace, and instead filling it with something that would make it bigger, and live long; instead they fill it with something that stays makes the fire stays the same size and it soon dies, and then they feed it again, soon their addicted to the filth they fill themselves with.
Well if you fill your heart with the useless materials and things, then you reach a high that will fade fast, then you will put more and more in so you can feel that "high"; but if you fill your heart with God's word, prayer, and worship, you have to work to get it to burn in your furnace, but that fire will never go out.
Don't let your fire fade, cause if you don't pay attention to it, then the light wont shine, and others wont see it.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
New point of view
February had been a hectic.
School about 20 hours a week, HCEC 12 hours a week , Burn 8 hours a week, Thorn 4 hours a week, and _Tag 2 hours a week; These are the hours that I'm going none stop (these are hypothetical, they could be less or more)
It seemed that I couldn't find time to just relax.
But I have to say this past week seemed different.
After _Tag Wednesday the 17th God had put on my heart to pray for certain people.
Now when God puts something on your heart it starts to weigh more and more, especially if you don't do it right away. But the weight on my heart was more of a understanding, I understood why God had put this person on my heart to pray for. During this Time I had especially been reading the last part of Psalms 45. (read it so good) I didn't know how these things were intertwined but they were.
Fast forward to last week.
On Tuesday at burn we were praying for the night of desperation; so powerful my friends, to see young men and woman of God praying for God to work in our generation.
I was so touched from it that i was hoping that there would be another prayer meeting.
Wednesday 24th, Night of Desperation.
Every Wednesday after setting up, there's a prayer meeting in the Tag cafe (tag chapel)
and every week I go, but this week was different. as so many young men and woman gathered in that small room to pray for that night, it was so amazing! as we prayed an Image appeared in my head, of thousand people, young and old, walking around in chains, crying and aching for someone to set them free. then a bright light shines and a young teens chains are broken, the teen begins to sing praises to God, and then an even brighter light shines and all the peoples chains are broken.
One by one they pick up their chains and walk toward a throne and lay it at the feet of the King, then they sing praises.
I was shocked I've never had such an image of great hope and joy ever.
later that night as we prayed for one another, me and a friend prayed for each other, and I knew that God was speaking through us, to each other.
and then as we were praying for people, fear, loneliness, things that the satan has placed on people's hearts, I walked for a bit and asked God who do I pray for, seeing people gather over one person and over another I wondered, "Is there were I go?" "No" I finally found someone and prayed over her. God was speaking to her, I know it. Then we were going to pray for those who felt lonely. I walked again and found a young girl in the corner with her friend. I walked over and asked her name, then started to pray. As I prayed God's words flowed out of me, God was there in that moment as it was me, this young girl and her friend. The young girl began to cry and I began to cry. I've never experienced God through praying for someone else, but I know that I did.
I literally was shaking at the end of the night, I don't know how to explain it.
What Psalms 45 talks about towards the end of the chapter, it talks about a young woman, who men find favor in her, she is dressed in garments of beauty and gold, she is taken to the King along with her virgin companions. That image is us and God; we are brought into his presence and He is pleased with us. God has put young teen girls in my heart to pray for because, many find them selves ugly, displeasing, and useless. I want them to understand that they aren't, and that Psalms 45 proves it!
I have a new view point on fellowship, prayer, and God's presence. what about you?
School about 20 hours a week, HCEC 12 hours a week , Burn 8 hours a week, Thorn 4 hours a week, and _Tag 2 hours a week; These are the hours that I'm going none stop (these are hypothetical, they could be less or more)
It seemed that I couldn't find time to just relax.
But I have to say this past week seemed different.
After _Tag Wednesday the 17th God had put on my heart to pray for certain people.
Now when God puts something on your heart it starts to weigh more and more, especially if you don't do it right away. But the weight on my heart was more of a understanding, I understood why God had put this person on my heart to pray for. During this Time I had especially been reading the last part of Psalms 45. (read it so good) I didn't know how these things were intertwined but they were.
Fast forward to last week.
On Tuesday at burn we were praying for the night of desperation; so powerful my friends, to see young men and woman of God praying for God to work in our generation.
I was so touched from it that i was hoping that there would be another prayer meeting.
Wednesday 24th, Night of Desperation.
Every Wednesday after setting up, there's a prayer meeting in the Tag cafe (tag chapel)
and every week I go, but this week was different. as so many young men and woman gathered in that small room to pray for that night, it was so amazing! as we prayed an Image appeared in my head, of thousand people, young and old, walking around in chains, crying and aching for someone to set them free. then a bright light shines and a young teens chains are broken, the teen begins to sing praises to God, and then an even brighter light shines and all the peoples chains are broken.
One by one they pick up their chains and walk toward a throne and lay it at the feet of the King, then they sing praises.
I was shocked I've never had such an image of great hope and joy ever.
later that night as we prayed for one another, me and a friend prayed for each other, and I knew that God was speaking through us, to each other.
and then as we were praying for people, fear, loneliness, things that the satan has placed on people's hearts, I walked for a bit and asked God who do I pray for, seeing people gather over one person and over another I wondered, "Is there were I go?" "No" I finally found someone and prayed over her. God was speaking to her, I know it. Then we were going to pray for those who felt lonely. I walked again and found a young girl in the corner with her friend. I walked over and asked her name, then started to pray. As I prayed God's words flowed out of me, God was there in that moment as it was me, this young girl and her friend. The young girl began to cry and I began to cry. I've never experienced God through praying for someone else, but I know that I did.
I literally was shaking at the end of the night, I don't know how to explain it.
What Psalms 45 talks about towards the end of the chapter, it talks about a young woman, who men find favor in her, she is dressed in garments of beauty and gold, she is taken to the King along with her virgin companions. That image is us and God; we are brought into his presence and He is pleased with us. God has put young teen girls in my heart to pray for because, many find them selves ugly, displeasing, and useless. I want them to understand that they aren't, and that Psalms 45 proves it!
I have a new view point on fellowship, prayer, and God's presence. what about you?
Friday, January 29, 2010
Trust
(This is a short one)
I have been learning about trusting God, that means trusting Him even when i don't get what i ask for.
This last week I was stressed beyond belief, stressed because I wasn't sure what was going to happen.
stressed because I wanted things to go my way, when I knew that it was all God's plan, not mine.
Last week I tried out in the thorn for young Mary. Ever since I was little I've wanted to be like her.
When I would pray, I'd pray for God's will to be done, not mine.
I knew that I shouldn't pray that I'd get it because I've done that so many times, and of course things never went to plan.
Also last week I was praying about the Burn internship at _tag, I knew that if I was suppose to be in it then it was going to be completely God.
So the week came when i found out if I had gotten the part I tried out for.
Strangely enough I'd find out about Burn the same day.
I was at New life the entire day, and to my surprise i got into BURN!
There is no doubt in my mind that it was God. because my application didnt get through. I called Stefan Davis and talked to him wondering if my application had gotten to them, well it didnt, i met with Stefan and then Bam it was all God!
Well later that night I had this strange feeling, I felt that I would only get one thing that i had wanted.
strange but true, later at thorn i found out that i'm not young Mary. but i do have a small part.
i honestly was so excited and happy that God had shown His self to me! crazy i know but I feel as though God had humbled me this week, shown me that somethings that we may want aren't what he has planned.
This week I learned to trust God, how about you?
read psalms 45!!
I have been learning about trusting God, that means trusting Him even when i don't get what i ask for.
This last week I was stressed beyond belief, stressed because I wasn't sure what was going to happen.
stressed because I wanted things to go my way, when I knew that it was all God's plan, not mine.
Last week I tried out in the thorn for young Mary. Ever since I was little I've wanted to be like her.
When I would pray, I'd pray for God's will to be done, not mine.
I knew that I shouldn't pray that I'd get it because I've done that so many times, and of course things never went to plan.
Also last week I was praying about the Burn internship at _tag, I knew that if I was suppose to be in it then it was going to be completely God.
So the week came when i found out if I had gotten the part I tried out for.
Strangely enough I'd find out about Burn the same day.
I was at New life the entire day, and to my surprise i got into BURN!
There is no doubt in my mind that it was God. because my application didnt get through. I called Stefan Davis and talked to him wondering if my application had gotten to them, well it didnt, i met with Stefan and then Bam it was all God!
Well later that night I had this strange feeling, I felt that I would only get one thing that i had wanted.
strange but true, later at thorn i found out that i'm not young Mary. but i do have a small part.
i honestly was so excited and happy that God had shown His self to me! crazy i know but I feel as though God had humbled me this week, shown me that somethings that we may want aren't what he has planned.
This week I learned to trust God, how about you?
read psalms 45!!
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